When feeling lonely, sad or blue...
I wrestle with profound feelings of loneliness and sorrow. There are times when I feel trapped in a pitch-dark place where there is no way out. Again and again, I have through grace, beauty and prayer found light.
I share with you what it is for me to be lost in a dark woods. There are no words to describe its depth. And miraculously, unexpectedly, thankfully, somehow there are always fireflies that appear, in some form or another. Incandescent orbs of light. Thankfully, my loneliness turns to a smile and a sense of wonder for life’s loveliness.
This feeling of wonder connects me to a flame of hope deep within me. This flame, this eternal flame, is always there. Even when I cannot see it. It is the light, the mystery of life itself that is within us. I call it the breath of life. I call it our soul light, a piece of the Creator we each hold, our firefly light.
No matter how dark the room, how trapped the space— no human, no circumstance can take that light. It is not of this world. It is part of the eternal light. It is not extinguished when we die. It exists before us and after us. This light within is worthy of our deepest love, our deepest respect, our deepest caretaking.
Even when I cannot see the eternal light within, I now know it’s there.
And something as lovely as a firefly releases joy in me connecting me to hope and I see and feel this eternal light within.
Life’s lovelinesses become bridges to the light within.
Yesterday, I drove on familiar highways to see an old friend who lives in the mountains. On my way, I saw miles of land devastated by wildfires. It hurt my heart to see the scorched earth.
Years ago, Dan, my husband, and I hiked in Yosemite through burned forests. This is a spiritual test. A car wizzes by. But a hiker with a heavy pack, walks step by step for miles through desolate land. Overcome and overwhelmed by the deep burn the forest sustained, I sat on the ground, unable to take another step, and I wept. The scent of ashes in my nose. Majestic trees all dead, behind me, in front of me.
It was on that hike, that day, that Dan sat beside me as I cried… and he pointed out to me the wildflowers.
“Look,” Dan said. “Look!”
There were flowers. Everywhere.
And they were beautiful.
The forest knew another sense of time. It knew how to recover.
My tears for the forest and for my own internal burns felt the hope of the wildflowers.
As I drove to the mountains through acres of scorched land yesterday— I saw the burn and I also was able to see wildflowers.
All I can say is Amen. Amen.
This is my wish for you. When you are in loneliness and it seems the room has no way out, may wildflowers growing where there was deep burn, may a firefly appearing suddenly in a dark woods, may a grace moment bring you loveliness and an inkling that perhaps you are not as alone as you imagine. And may this moment, no matter how small, bring you a sense of wonder. And may wonder bring you hope.
And hope, always for me, thankfully, reveals the light within that is eternal.
In that light, there is goodness and love. And love, even a glimmer, warms the loneliest of hearts.
May Peace be with you,
Kathleen
